The Breakfast Bunch
by Hunger4Righteousness
Summary: Will unwanted guests for breakfast turn a cozy twosome into a gathering of frenemies and the usual battle of wills? Or can Megamind navigate the minefield of social graces and match wits with the intruders in order to have the final say in who gets to stay after all?


_Friends, this fic was inspired by a link someone sent to me on my FaceBook page, photos of the work of an incredibly talented doll maker in Russia. She created **the** most beautiful and amazing Megamind doll for her son (but is not selling them, boohoo). She has him posed in various scenes with awesome props and everything. He has two outfits; the usual cape and skintight lightning bolt ensemble and, yes, the hazard symbol pajamas! Including slippers! And wearing that, she has him seated at a table having a cup of coffee and looking for all the world like he's just gotten up and is chatting away with Roxanne 'the next morning'. (Roxanne doll not included.) It's so sweet. :) And so seeing that was sort of how this little ficlet got born in my head. I reposted her photos on my FB page if you want to see them. The artistry is certainly worth taking a look at and appreciating! You'll be amazed. And I hope you enjoy the story too._

_Thank you, Nora and ladyspock7, for your feedback and beta-ing!_

* * *

At the sound of the doorbell, Roxanne moved quickly to welcome her expected visitor, making sure her robe was closed modestly enough across her bosom.

"Hey, Minion!" Seeing the fish grin and hold up a brown bottle, she added, "Oh great, thanks for bringing it."

"You're welcome, Ms Ritchi. Can't have pancakes without syrup."

"Of course not." Taking the bottle from him, she walked back into the apartment, examining the label. "Come on in. They're just about ready."

"Oh no, that's ok. I should-"

"No excuses," she added, turning back to him with the sort of gently firm smile that indicated she would brook no dissent.

"Okay…" He'd learned Ms Ritchi was no more used to having her will opposed than his boss and best friend and, used to doing as he was told, he obediently stepped into the living room.

"Oh." Appearing suddenly in the doorway of the bedroom, Megamind was fingering the last button of his pajama shirt into its hole, surprised to see his sidekick. "What are you doing here?"

"I was out of syrup." Roxanne explained as Minion hesitated. His boss's voice held the unmistakably disapproving tone he'd expected. But as Roxanne placed the bottle in the middle of the table and turned to walk back into the kitchen, she passed her lover and paused, running her fingertips softly down one blue cheek, making the man in the hazard symbol pajamas melt immediately, gazing after her with adoring green eyes. "Don't be rude," she murmured.

"I mean… good morning!" Megamind acquiesced with false brightness before directing a silent scowl at his friend.

Minion returned his boss's stare with a pugnacious expression of his own. He had been invited in by the lady of the house, and yet clearly not everyone present was happy to see him. How was he supposed to please both of these strong-willed people? The deciding factor was the breakfast at stake. He loved pancakes. "Good morning to you, Sir," he said as he plunked into a chair determinedly." Sleep well?"

Megamind's scowl faded as he walked over to lift from the table the steaming cup of coffee that Roxanne had already filled for him. He lowered his eyes to the dark liquid with a smirk. "What sleep there was to be had..." he murmured against the rim before taking a sip and setting it down again, smug as anything.

Minion immediately had second thoughts about joining the recently initiated lovebirds after all, but it was too late to think up excuses for an escape now. He directed his gaze toward the morning news show on the TV as Megamind sidled up behind his girlfriend and slid his whippy arms around her huggable curves. Soon he heard muffled giggles. "Cut it out… that tickles."

"I know it tickles… that's why I'm doing it…"

The fish concentrated hard on the television and the weatherman's forecast; a sunny day for the greater Metro area. It was nigh on impossible not to hear the sounds of his friends snuggling over by the griddle though, and he suspected his boss had no qualms about purposely trying to drive him out by making his teasing obnoxiously obvious so as to make him as uncomfortable as possible. No matter that Roxanne had insisted he stay; it was clear his best friend didn't want breakfast to be a threesome. But recognizing the attempted rout only strengthened his resolve to stay. He was determined to have pancakes!

"… you… are sweeter than honey…"

Minion grabbed the remote and turned the volume up a couple of notches.

"…think we're making our guest uncomfortable."

"_Our_ guest? Doesn't that kind of presume this is my place too."

"It is. In a sense."

"Ohhh! So you're asking me to move in?" he inquired playfully.

"No," she plainly replied, "But, you know… mi casa es su casa."

"Mmm, I love it when you speak French."

She turned to squint at him. "Honey, that's Spanish."

"Oh really? Funny," he countered, cupping her jaw in one hand. "You had me convinced French was your… native tongue."

She gave a snort but laughed. "That is so corny."

Minion rolled his eyes as quiet sounds of kissing were followed by his boss's low voice fervently asserting, "But so true. When you-"

"I can still hear you," the fish finally griped, eyes fixed on the television screen.

Roxanne turned back to the griddle with a chuckle deep in her throat, bending her head to allow her partner better access to the length of neck he continued nuzzling with a contented hum. The warm aroma rising from the hot plate from whence she was now removing a couple of finished flapjacks made his mouth water. He'd worked up quite an appetite. "Mmm, pancakes," the former villain enthused with his chin on her shoulder.

Roxanne smirked. "Admit it. With you, it's all about the syrup."

"Ok," the blue ex-villain willingly admitted. "Mmm, syrup!" He watched her slip the flipper beneath each pale, bubbly circle and expertly turn it over. It was so nice spending the morning-after cuddling and teasing and watching her. If only they didn't have company.

"Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to have Minion bring that syrup over," he spoke up, knowing his voice would carry over to the table. "I can think of a few things besides pancakes that I'd like to _lick it off of_…" He flicked the tip of his tongue over the lobe of her ear, catching it between his teeth.

"Megamind!" she laughed, "Shhh!" Any time he got started on that growling talk, her head started spinning. She steadied herself before taking the first of the row of nicely tanned griddlecakes off the heat. "You know, sometimes I think you live on sugar."

"I do," he admitted unapologetically. "And when I found you, I knew I was set for life."

As Roxanne groaned and told him to go sit down, Minion gamely piped up, "It's his metabolism. He burns through everything. I mean, just look at him! Hardly a speck of meat on him."

"Hey," Megamind warned, settling comfortably into his seat at the table.

"I know," Roxanne said. "If I ate what he eats…" She patted a palm against one already well-padded hip meaningfully as she carried a loaded plate to the table.

As she moved to take her own seat, Megamind halted her progress, looking up once more with an adoring smile. "More for me," he murmured.

Minion rolled his eyes and reached for the steaming stack as his boss coaxed the curvaceous reporter onto his lap. After she'd placed a kiss on the smooth blueness of his temple, he watched her take a pancake and pour a sparse amount of the thick, sweet, brown liquid on it. Then with a cluck of disapproval he grabbed the bottle from her and squirted out a much more generous amount that ran over the edges and pooled along the sides.

"Megs!"

"What's good for the goose, you know," he grinned madly, giving the round curve nestled over his legs a quick squeeze.

Minion gritted his teeth and directed a pointed stare down at his plate.

"Yeah well, what's good for this goose is not looking more and more like one of those hippos from Fantasia!" Switching her plate with his empty one, she took another pancake and again applied a lesser amount of syrup. "Oops, forgot a fork."

"You don't need one." Megamind cut a dainty piece for her, making a show of feeding it to her.

She knew what he was doing but didn't try to stop him. "So Minion," she roused herself to address their poor fishy companion. "It's about time you came and had breakfast with us." Roxanne leaned over to hand him the syrup. "I feel bad thinking of you waking up and eating all alone in the Lair."

"Oh," Minion chuckled at her thoughtfulness, relaxing a little. "I'm pretty used to it really. I mean, whenever Sir got dumped back in his cell I had breakfast on my own."

"I hadn't thought of that," the reporter admitted, accepting another bite. Her silly beau was still intent on feeding her as well as himself, as though he was afraid she wasn't capable of handling a utensil and might waste away right on his lap.

An unexpected tapping at the doors leading to the balcony turned all their heads at once. Outside a bearded man in a white robe over grey silk pajamas waved one giant hand in greeting.

"Argh," Megamind groaned as Roxanne smiled at the unexpected visitor and motioned him to enter. "What's _he_ doing here?"

"Ah, Metro Man! We meet again!" Minion cheerfully greeted the newcomer, sensing reinforcements for his side.

"Hey, fish face. How are you? Little bu- uh, Megamind," he nodded genially to Roxanne's glowering beau.

"Who invited you?" the former master of evil demanded, his dark expression more appropriate to his previous moniker than he realized. He glared suspiciously at his piscean pal.

"Hey! Not me!"

Approaching the small party at the table, the retired hero openly eyed their breakfast spread. "Nobody. Just thought I'd drop in. I could smell pancakes all the way over by the lake."

"How did you know it was from here? At this hour the scent of breakfast would be wafting from any number of diners or-"

"Oh, I'd know Roxanne's pancakes anywhere." Wayne tucked his thumbs into the belt of his robe as his blue eyes twinkled.

Megamind glanced at the woman on his lap, lifting a forkful of food to her lips. "You've been over for pancakes before?"

"Oh sure, lots of times," Wayne answered with a shrug. "Her pancakes are famous."

"What?"

Roxanne nudged her boyfriend with an elbow and gave him a look. "He's pulling your leg. Getting your goat... you know?"

The giant man giggled, and Megamind's sidekick tried not to snicker. "Got room for one more?"

Roxanne shook her head at him but had to smile a little. "Sure, Wayne. Have a seat."

"Do not have a seat!"

"Megs-"

"What! Why should-?" He stopped as the lady on his lap turned to press her cheek to his and began to whisper in his ear. "But-" Their two companions saw his gaze grow unfocused and the tension in his jaw begin to relax away under her powers of persuasion. The blue lips twitched slightly as his shoulders slowly drooped, one blue hand curling more possessively around her waist until she eventually pulled back again, eyes fixed on his with a knowing smile that was clearly just for him. He gazed back at her, utterly subdued and not at all unhappy about it. "All right," he muttered as his ex-nemesis pulled out a chair. "Sit down."

"Thanks, little buddy!" Reaching to serve himself, he diminished the number of pancakes by at least half in one fell swoop.

Megamind's fork shot out and snagged all but the last of the stack, slapping them on his plate and piercing his former rival with a challenging stare. Eyes fixed on each other they froze until, as though hearing a starter's pistol, they both began to eat as fast as they could.

"Hey!" Minion protested, belatedly slapping a hand over the last pancake. "I only got one!"

Roxanne clicked her tongue, watching the two frenemies stuffing their faces.

"And your stomach's about a tenth the size of any of ours," Megamind reminded him unsympathetically around a mouth full of food.

"Boys," their hostess calmly pointed out. "I can always make more." She started to get up.

"Oh no. You're not going anywhere." Her boyfriend held her firmly in place with one arm, fork grasped in his other hand. "_They_ weren't even supposed to be here! You," he commanded his best friend, pointing at him with the tines of his utensil. "Go make some more."

Minion threw up his hands as Wayne snagged the bottle of syrup, squeezing out two-thirds of what was left over his plate and then shoving another quarter of his massive stack into his mouth, his shoulders quaking as he tried not to laugh at the same time.

"Gimme that," Megamind growled.

"But I'm a guest!" Minion protested, completely ignored by his boss who grabbed the syrup and nearly emptied the bottle onto the pancakes before him, trying to keep up with his breakfast rival. Roxanne looked on in alarm as he unthinkingly dressed and started in on her plate as well. His arm was beginning to be a little uncomfortably tight around her midsection.

Lifting the nearly empty bottle, Minion eyed it in dismay before turning it over and squeezing the sides repeatedly, watching the last sticky drips slide down and come out in convulsive sneezes onto his bare pancake. "Why should I have to make breakfast when-"

"Hey," Roxanne tried to interject.

"Oh, stop whining," Megamind gargled around a mouth full of food, reaching for his coffee to wash it down faster, fork still in hand. "Make yourself useful. Go get some doughnuts."

"Why not tell _him_?" Minion sniffed, jerking his thumb Wayne's way. "I was here first. And he'd be faster. He could have them here in about 2 seconds."

"You guys-" Pushing gently at the wiry arm wrapped even more tightly around her, she shifted a little on the single skinny leg where her butt was now perched as her former captor leaned forward to eat faster, eyes still trained on his rival.

"More like .2 seconds. But anyway," Wayne announced proudly, "I'm done." He sat back with a smarmy smirk, pointing at his empty plate in triumph.

"What a pig," Megamind spluttered, a drip of syrup slipping down his goatee as he continued chewing. His green eyes were snapping over being bested at his own morning-after breakfast by this most unwanted guest.

"Hey!" Roxanne tried again. "I-"

Megamind interrupted as though he hadn't heard and had forgotten she was even on his lap. "That was just about the rudest display of-"

"HEY! SUPER JERKS!" Roxanne finally shouted. Silenced, all three males stared wide-eyed at the angry woman's glaring face. "I got half a pancake. Almost no syrup." Finally pulling free of her boyfriend's grasp, she stood up and grabbed the empty bottle from the table, shaking it. "My butt's numb. And I don't want to hear another word out of anybody's mouth unless it's 'thank you'!" She turned a castigating stare on each of them in turn. "And then, _somebody_ owes me breakfast!"

The three guests looked from one to the other, completely cowed. Wayne meekly spoke up first. "Sorry, Rox. I mean, thank you. For the pancakes. You're right," he glanced at her blue boyfriend. "That was pretty rude."

"Sorry, Ms Ritchi," Minion murmured, shamefaced.

"Uh- I-" Megamind began uncomfortably, eyes shifting around. While he firmly felt the other two were really to blame, he couldn't deny he'd lost focus and made a fool of himself in the race to compete once again, finishing off Roxanne's pancake as well as his own. It was embarrassing.

She sighed, hands raised. "Ok! Ok. That's enough," she said, looking heavenward before replacing her frown with a patient smile. "But I am still hungry. So. Where are you all taking me to breakfast?"

They looked at each other again. "I know a great little hole in the wall place just across the border in Ohio," Wayne suggested brightly, standing up from the table and retying the belt of his robe. "All-you-can-eat bacon and waffle buffet. I can have us all there in about two minutes. My treat."

"Oh, Sir, bacon!" Minion turned to look at his best friend excitedly.

"Hmm." He did love bacon, but Megamind was still irked by the oversized galoot barging in on their morning and now taking charge of making plans for them too. "I don't know. I'm pretty full," he pouted, folding his arms.

"Aw, come on, little buddy. It's bacon! And it's for Roxanne, you know," he chided, only succeeding in making the man at the table clasp his arms more tightly.

"Now, Wayne," the reporter said, knowing better how to soothe her boyfriend's ruffled feathers. She put a hand on his shoulder. "Not everybody has your bottomless pit of a stomach."

"Yes," the one-time overlord piped up in agreement, buoyed at hearing his sweetheart taking his side. "Some of us are much more efficient eaters and digesters than those who simply _shovel_ in as much as possible!" His stomach chimed in with an unexpected urp as though to make his point.

The lady of the house took her boyfriend's hand and pulled him to his feet, brightening his attitude further with a little wink as she added, "I know Megs wouldn't pass up taking me to a free bacon buffet. He just… needs a chance to work up his appetite again."

"Ah!" Wayne nodded, catching her drift and beginning to back toward the balcony doors as he saw the man in black smile back at the reporter knowingly. "Well, then… uh, I'll go get changed and meet you back here in… twenty minutes or so?"

"Better make it thirty," Roxanne suggested, fingering a button of her beau's pajama top with a meaningful lift of an eyebrow.

"Make it an hour."

"An hour?" Wayne stopped in his tracks, startled.

"Of course," Megamind shrugged, pulling his beloved partner closer, gazing at her curving lips with heavy-lidded anticipation as he explained. "Like any good workout there's a considerable warm up, and then the exertion itself which you just can't rush; the cool down and finally some time to just bask in the satisfaction of your good efforts." He watched Roxanne lick the end of her finger and dab at the syrupy drip that had marred his goatee. "And by that time we'll want to have a refreshing shower, but after getting dressed again we really should be good and ready to devour an entire buffet."

Listening in mild disbelief, Wayne stuttered, "So I… guess you two'll be… holing up back there for a while."

"Back there?" Megamind asked, pretending not to understand what he meant while fully realizing just how efficacious his words had been at sounding the retreat for their unwanted guests. "Oh, you mean the _bed_room. Well, we usually just start out here." He looked around the small living space that was Roxanne's apartment while she stifled a snicker. "You see, we like to-"

"Don't wanna know!" Wayne turned and made quickly for the glass doors that were his merciful means of escape.

"Too late," Minion muttered before raising a finger and lumbering along in the large man's wake as fast as he was able to go. "Uh! Didn't you mention a new song you wanted me to hear a while back? How about giving me a lift to your place so I can check it out? Got plenty of time before we have to be back, heh heh."

The ex-hero patted a hairy shoulder of the mecha suit. "Sure thing, little guy. Let's get out of here." They stepped out onto the balcony but in closing the door Wayne happened to glance back inside. "Oh, that was a mistake."

Without thinking Minion followed suit. "My eyes!" he cried out, clapping his metal digits over his bowl.

"How did-? I swear he was fully dressed just a second ago…" Wayne wondered aloud. Then taking a firm hold of Minion's hefty metal housing in one hand, he warned, "Hang on. We're taking the emergency exit." Executing a perfect dive off the side of the balcony, he commented as he curved easily upward into the airstream, wind whistling past his ears, "Next time, I say we spare ourselves this trauma and leave them behind. You and me. You let me know any time he's away and you want to go get breakfast."

"You're on. And from now on I'm keeping her cupboard stocked with syrup."


End file.
